Why Premature Ejaculation Is Not What You’ve Been Told It Is
Over the years of developing treatment programs to help men last longer in bed I’ve talked to 1000’s of men effected by premature ejaculation and it’s been interesting to listen to them describe to me what they believe premature ejaculation is.
Some guys felt they had premature ejaculation because they could only last 10 or 15 minutes, while many others would ejaculate and the very beginning, or even prior to penetration. Despite these differences just about every guy that I first talks to views premature ejaculation as a condition, ailment or abnormality. Let me show you why that is almost always wrong.
Defining Premature Ejaculation
It’s been surprisingly tough for experts to come up with a standard definition for premature ejaculation. There’s been no lack of trying over the years however. Here’s a few of the attempts.
In Amsterdam in 2007 a group of 21 PE experts got together to chew the fat and came up with the following definition.
It’s important to note that this definition was compiled by the International Society for Sexual Medicine and their backers, who have an interest in seeing premature ejaculation viewed as a medical issue. There would be a huge amount of money up for grabs if a medical treatment for PE was to be created and allowed to be marketed.
Mayo Clinic offers a much broader definition
This is a much better definition and importantly takes the partner’s satisfaction and fulfillment into account.
Yet as more specific criteria is needed for traditional medical diagnoses it adds that you may meet the criteria for premature ejaculation if you:
- Always or nearly always ejaculate within one minute of penetration
- Are unable to delay ejaculation during intercourse all or nearly all of the time
- Feel distressed and frustrated, and tend to avoid sexual intimacy as a result
Is a definition needed?
I haven’t spent a lot of time trying to come up with a definition for premature ejaculation as I don’t believe its needed in order to make improvements. The bottom line is that if you are unhappy with the amount of time you last in bed and would like to last longer you ejaculate prematurely. Weather this is after 10 seconds or 10 minutes it is entirely up to you or your partner to decide if it is what you want and weather you would like to take steps to last longer.
The amount of time you currently last in bed is not some god-given number. It’s just a reflection of your current ejaculatory control skills. If you haven’t specifically worked to improved these there’s a good chance that you will ejaculate prematurely.
Is premature Ejaculation a medical problem?
Medical treatment has advanced remarkably over the last 100 years. It uses a scientific method to to diagnose illness and diseases and it has improved our lives and well being enormously.
However, in the overwhelming majority of cases there is no medical abnormality. And its for these men that much better alternatives are available than a traditional medical approach.
What If Premature Ejaculation Is Not a Condition But a Lack of Skill?
Of course sex is vital to reproduction and our survival as a species but beyond that, when broken down it is little more than a recreational or pleasure activity conducted between a couple. In this aspect it could almost be compared to a sport such as tennis, wrestling, or ice skating. Like these sports, sex requires some practice and understanding to be good at it. The problem is, that most men just expect to be good at sex without coaching or training.
Sure some guys get good on their own, but I can tell you it’s not many of them.
Related: Here’s some of the real causes of premature ejaculation discussed
Making The Mindset Switch
One thing I’ve noticed is that when men make this switch in their beliefs about premature ejaculation their chances of being able to last longer in bed get much higher. When you view premature ejaculation as a disorder or disease you start to believe that fixing it is out of your control. You start looking for pills, natural remedies or medication in the hope that they will “correct” this strange abnormality of yours.
When you get a deeper understanding of what premature ejaculation is things really start to change. when you view ejaculation control as a skill (with multiple components) that can be improved and ultimately mastered you realize that this isn’t just bad luck, it’s something you can change yourself right now.
This is why this is always one of the first things I talk to my clients about. Because if they don’t make this switch in mindset they are unlikely believe that they can beat this problem themselves. Once they make that switch tough it’s amazing how quickly they start improving their lasting time.
I believe it’s because my clients start to understand that they are the ones in control and they are the ones who will decide if they are to go on being premature ejaculators or not.
The Ejaculation Freedom Approach
Rather than treating you as a medical patient and searching for abnormalities the Ejaculation Freedom approach is to treat your ejaculatory control like a skill or even sport that you are training for. It may seem a bit strange at first but it will soon make perfect sense.
Here’s just a few on the skills you can learn that will boost your control
- How to breathe the right way (both before and during sex)
- How to eliminate muscular tension before it travels down to your abdominal and pelvic area
- How to read the signals you body in sending out
- How to know what position and techniques to use relative to your arousal level
- Know what to focus on during sex (this is not about distraction)
- How to train to reduce perceived sensitivity
- How to train to ejaculatory muscles for added control (more important than strength)
- How to control your thoughts and make them work for you
These are all things that every guy can learn relatively easily within a few weeks and they are all things that you wont learn with a traditional medical approach to the problem.
The Future Of Premature Ejaculation Treatment
5 years ago guys with premature ejaculation had no access to a self training course such as Ejaculation Freedom. There only hope was to track down one of the few worldwide experts and ejaculatory training and book sessions with them.
Now. No matter where you live you have access the these advanced methods and comprehensive instruction on lasting longer in bed and can start training on your own.
Is more and more guys see the improvements possible from ejaculatory training such as this hopefully there will be a mainstream switch towards the views on ejaculatory control and sexual performance discussed here.
If you are on of the 30% of men who ejaculate prematurely and would like to do something about it you can get a copy of the ejaculation freedom course here.